It will not be tonight

Even though La Cieca is sure you will agree with her that "Meglio stasera, che domani o mai. Domani chi lo sa, quel che sarà," the fact is the server people are still working on parterre.com with a "go" time set for sometime early tomorrow. Be assured that your doyenne will inform you here at the "Exile" site when we're moving back,

So, while we're waiting, La Cieca invites you to enjoy this video representation of how she imagines herself and you, the cher public, in the swinging virtual ski lodge of cyberspace.

Master of her Domain

The film of that awful play Master Class will begin lensing next week in Detroit. Faye Dunaway directs and stars as Maria Callas. [Detroit Free Press]

UPDATE: Edited to include this much funnier photo suggesting La Dunaway has decided to play the Audra McDonald part.

Tu? Indietro! Fugly!

A loyal reader calls this little number "the worst gown I've ever seen."

La Cieca she agrees that Mme. Guleghina's fashion faux pas here just screams, "that was no lady, that was Lady Macbeth." On the other hand, your doyenne has seen some rather ghastly frocks in her time, and she's sure, cher public, that you have seen worse. If you have, send a jpg (preferably 350 pixels wide or larger) or a link to lacieca@parterre.com. Let's dish!

Ach! Hilde, weißt du, daß wir Ratten im Keller haben?

This is my belief, in brief

That grand old man of music André Previn is writing another opera, following up on the clamorous success of 1998's A Streetcar Named Desire. The commission for Houston Grand Opera is Brief Encounter, based on Noel Coward's one-act play Still Life as well as the screenplay for the eponymous film. (First Tennessee Williams, then Noel Coward ... surely a collaboration with Jean Genet is the next logical step!) Well, anyway, the premiere of Brief Encounter, most likely omitting the above imagery, is set for May of 2009. Too long a wait, you say? Well, in the meantime, sit back and enjoy an excerpt from Previn's one universally recognized masterpiece.

Front burner

A legendary Lulu crosses over.

...and tenderly beckons, Moby Dick, dearest Moby Dick!

As dear Rosalind Russell used to say, "It's about this whale..."

Honestly insincere

[Via Likely Impossibilities]

The ceremony of innocence is drowned

"Directed by Francesca Zambello, this Little Mermaid burdens its performers with ungainly guess-what-I-am costumes (by Tatiana Noginova) and a distracting set (by George Tsypin) awash in pastels gone sour and unidentifiable giant tchotchkes that suggest a Luau Lounge whipped up by an acid-head heiress in the 1960s. The whole enterprise is soaked in that sparkly garishness that only a very young child — or possibly a tackiness-worshiping drag queen — might find pretty.

"....Ms. Zambello, best known as an adventurous director of operas, rarely lets jokes, songs or set pieces register clearly. And the impression is often of costumed employees from the Magic Kingdom of Disney World, wandering around and occasionally singing to entertain visiting children." -- Ben Brantley, New York Times

In related news, the family of Roger Bart send their condolences.

Christmas is here, bringing good Cher

While we're waiting for the restoration of Stephen Costello's ringing rendition of "O Holy Night," La Cieca thought you might like to hear another great American tenor's take on the classic carol.

Legends!

"Starring Leona Mitchell (star of the Metropolitan Opera and other major opera houses around the world) and Sarah Rice (the original Johanna in SWEENEY TODD on Broadway), Leona & Sarah, Songs for the Heart & Soul. These two friends join their thrilling voices in an evening of songs, melodie, chanson and an aria or two, with a little gospel/inspirational thrown in for good measure, to uplift the heart and warm the winter-weary spirit. Come be transported and bask in the musical sunshine!

"BCD concerts have been called 'Life-affirming', 'show-stopping', 'Like Babette's feast for the ear' by reviewers and audience members lucky enough to have seen our previous performances. Don't miss out on this heartbreakingly beautiful and thrilling concert."

Fatal sdegno

If, through some miracle of recombinant DNA manipulation, Madame Vera Galupe-Borszkh and Maria Montez were to have a child together, La Cieca is certain this is how she (or he, for that matter) would turn out.

The blonde leading the blind

Imagine La Cieca's delight when she heard that Julia Roberts has been cast in the starring role of Voce di Donna, a biopic based upon the whirlwind adventures of your very own doyenne.

Oscar-winner Roberts (left) beat out A-listers Nicole Kidman, Susan Sarandon and Dame Judi Dench to portray "Older Cieca." The character in more "youthful" days will be played by Zac Efron. Additional casting for the film includes George Clooney as "Gualtier Malde," Robert Downey Jr. as "Little Stevie" and Jonathan Rhys Meyers as "Maury D'annato."

"I am big, it's the opera that got small!"

"We're puttin' on an op'ra tonight!"

Mae West goes mezzo-soprano for this scene from her 1935 vehicle Goin' to Town.

"Singing Norma Today"

(with apologies to Stephen Sondheim)

NYC OPERA FANATIC:
Bless her soul,
Bless her golden throat,
All her fans can gloat.
Renée's preparing to chant
The bel canto role.

SIEGLINDE:
Today is for Norma
Norma, the role of the divas of choice.
America's soprano will honor us forever.
Today is for Norma,
As sung by the Beautiful Voice.

RENEE:
Pardon me, is everybody here? Because if everybody's here, I
want to thank you all for coming to my Norma, I'd appreciate
your going even more, I mean you must have lots of better things
to do, and would you please inform my fans, remember fans you know,
they're called the Fleming Flappers, but they're not, because they wouldn't flap
at anyone as wonderful as I am--
Change of plans:
I'm all wrong as a pagan,
Change of plans,
I'll do Eugene Onegin,
Tell the fans,
That I'm not singing Norma today.

Your pathetic, your loathsome, your despicable majesty!

Dame Kiri te Kanawa embraces her inner Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan for this scene from the Handelian pastiche The Sorceress. Despite the film's 1993 release date, the sensibility is pure '80s: massive hair, voluminous frock, garish lighting design... and don't overlook the multitude of smirking supers! (Just so you know, the aria is "Ah, Ruggiero crudel... Ombre pallide" from Alcina).

Lord help the sister who comes between me and my man!

Not the newest observation, but perhaps relevant again at the moment. So, tell me, what do these two ladies have in common (besides the family resemblance, of course)? [UPDATE: I've traded out the original image of Joyce Castle for something more representative.]

"Did you get her innuendo?"

"Ms. Fleming's soprano has gotten bigger and richer since her Dallas debut 15 years ago. 'I was replacing Carol Vaness in a lot of Mozart repertoire she couldn't sing anymore,' Ms. Fleming says of her early years."

You can read more of The Tactful Voice's audition for the remake of The Women in an interview with Scott Cantrell in The Dallas Morning News.

Wheels within wheels

This is why drag was invented. The artistes are James Bondage and Bella ToDyeFor.